Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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