just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
