You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I want a musical about memes.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize