i think my tv is drunk
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
