Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
