Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
