she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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