Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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