dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
