So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
