did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
