meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize