Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
