dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
