marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize