i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
