she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
