you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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