He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
