She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
