i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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