two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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