your parents love me but you hate me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
