I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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