I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
