Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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