where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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