Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
