if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
