Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
