why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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