I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
