if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i think i scared a bird with my dick
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
