i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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