The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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