The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
