Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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