You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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