Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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