I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
