Kiss
Puke
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize