but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
