I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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