My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am one with the molecules
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
