No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
