got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
These tits shall not be calmed
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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