fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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