Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
