she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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