why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
