Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
