ADVERTISEMENT

• (301): View more from Maryland

  she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she

  Fav 34 4957 1257

  share tweet
  

• (718): View more from New York

  You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?

  Fav 28 8950 1793

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (409): View more from Texas

  I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop

  Fav 16 1256 9449

  share tweet
  

• (906): View more from Michigan

  It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again

  Fav 22 2664 5510

  share tweet
  

• (317): View more from Indiana

  The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.

  Fav 6 1200 5023

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?

  Fav 8 6171 1349

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (61): View more from Australia

  Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed

  Fav 10 5013 1305

  share tweet
  

• (973): View more from New Jersey

  U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night

  Fav 3 2790 1555

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?

  Fav 2 1312 617

  share tweet
  

• (713): View more from Texas

  Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.

  Fav 4 1675 764

  share tweet
  

• (216): View more from Ohio

  My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.

  Fav 12 1223 579

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (937): View more from Ohio

  I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine

  Fav 1 954 572

  share tweet
  

• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.

  Fav 1 226 523

  share tweet
  

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Just one?

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Yup. One sock.

  Fav 0 57 22

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (678): View more from Georgia

  He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.

  Fav 1 41 8

  share tweet
  

Randomize