i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
