Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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