Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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