i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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