So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
