So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
