just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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