my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
