WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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