Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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