I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
