I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you never un-have a 4some
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
