before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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