finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
