woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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