That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
