I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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