Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
