We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
