I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
