she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
handjob tips. give me some.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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