This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
