The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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