That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize