I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
