Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
did you just send me my own nude
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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