Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize