the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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