giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
