Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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